


Critical Rolls: The Bakery AU that no one asked for.

by MysticalAuthoress



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Bakery, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Failed Courting, Gift Giving, Humor, M/M, attempted courting, doughnuts, extremely minor spoilers for Campaign 1, minor Followers of the Serpent Arc spoilers, see author note for more detail, some spoilers for Campaign 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticalAuthoress/pseuds/MysticalAuthoress
Summary: Bakery AU. Where the Mighty Nein are the staff of a bakery called Critical Rolls, where they serve Uk'odoughnuts and other goodies. Jester's trying to get Fjord's attention, but will it work?





	Critical Rolls: The Bakery AU that no one asked for.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Critical Role.
> 
> For those of you that read my 'Widomauk Week 2019' collection, Days 2 and 8 are connected to this fic and I suggest reading those for extra bakery content! XD I hope you all enjoy reading!
> 
> Notes: Bakery AU, some spoilers for the beginning of Campaign 2 as well as the Followers of the Serpent arc, but mainly mentioned and not too-graphically-expanded on, little to no spoilers for Campaign 1, some established Widomauk and implied Fjord/Jester

“Thanks for your patronage! Have a nice day.”

The customer thanked Nott at the cashier for the doughnuts, before walking out with their purchase. Nott took a deep breath, before turning her head to yell.

_“FJORD!_ PREPARE THE UK’ODOUGHAH FOR MORE UK’ODOUGHNUTS! WE NEED ANOTHER TWO DOZEN TO STOCK SOON OR WE’LL RUN OUT!”

_“Uk'odoughahhh.”_ Molly, Beau and Jester echoed from the kitchen, before a series of chuckles ensued.

“Aye aye, Nott!” Fjord called back, before he hastily went to prep the dough. Nott had no doubts in Fjord getting it done on time. He was fast and efficient with getting those done (and same with all the other baked goods, but especially this one). Looking towards the front of the bakery to see if anyone was coming in (and seeing that there was none yet since that last customer), she quickly rushed over to the backroom where Caleb was at the moment.

“Caleb!” Nott looked straight to Caleb who was on his laptop. On top of being in charge of bookkeeping (and occasionally helping out in the kitchen to bake more goods), she also had him do a few other favours. “Any eye on our competition?”

Caleb shook his head. “Nein. Nothing today, Nott.”

She narrowed her gaze. “What about the _Slayer’s Cake_ in Whitestone?”

“Nott,” Caleb sighed, looking to her as he stated matter-of-factly, “The Slayer’s Cake is in _Whitestone,_ in _Tal’Dorei,_ and currently have no plans of branching to Wildemount yet. If it happens, I’ll be the first to let you know.”

“Alright.” A beat, then, “How’s that next secret romance novel of yours going?”

“Oooh!” Jester bounched on her heels, almost dropping the tray of baked goods she just took out of the oven (the backroom was literally right across from the kitchen. “Is it going to be super sweet and romantic, like Oskar and—”

“What—Jester,” Caleb’s face reddened, “I thought we said we weren’t going to talk about that during working hours!”

“We’re about to go on break.” Jester pointed out, giggling. “Just one more minute!”

“Yasha should be coming in soon with more flour and sugar.” Molly hummed as he checked his cellphone quickly, before tucking it away in his pants pocket. “She’ll be ready to take over for you when she gets back, Jester.”

“Yay!”

The bells at the front door jingled as Yasha came walking in, carrying a medium sized bag in one arm and a second bag in the other. “I’m back!”

“Yasha!” Molly waved, trying to get her attention. “You got the flour and sugar?”

“Yup.” She gave her tiefling friend the faintest grin. “Caleb was right about that sale on the flour, so we saved a bit more silver than usual.”

“That’s great.” Nott looked to Yasha. “Just bring that over to the storage room for now, alright?”

“Got it!”

As Yasha went towards the storage room, that was when Nott heard a *BOOM* come from the back, followed by several alarmed shouts, curses, or other exclamations. The bakery owner couldn’t help but groan, before yelling.

“CALEB! MOLLY! DID YOU TWO MAKE A BUN EXPLODE IN THE MICROWAVE _AGAIN!?”_

* * *

Fjord, while he worked, couldn’t help but wonder how the _heck_ he got involved in the bakery sometimes. He was supposed to be here to investigate the place because his patron Uka’toa told him to in a dream (patrons were weird like that but Fjord wasn’t about to piss off his patron because he didn’t want to go to a bakery), but then the food was _really_ delicious, and the people here were nice, and he would honestly love to be here more often.

Now here he was, in Trostenwald, working as one of the bakers of _Critical Rolls,_ the best bakery in Trostenwald and run by Nott, a goblin. It seemed a miracle that a goblin would be running a business such as this, in this particular area, but the bakery built up a fast reputation of delicious baked goods and eccentric employees. Nott would send some of the money she earned back to her husband Yeza (an inventor, apparently) and their son Luke, and Fjord knew well that she had plans to save up enough money to move Yeza and Luke in with her once she found a bigger place. Currently, Nott and Caleb were living together.

Fjord, meanwhile, roomed up with Jester and Beau. He’d met Jester on the way to Trostenwald, and then they ran into Beau. The three of them kinda shared a space at the moment, as a result.

Yasha and Molly came next. They were part of a travelling circus led by Gustav…and then the circus fell apart after it turned out one of the members was a demonic toad that 1. Turned an innocent guy into a zombie and 2. Well, was evil. After _that_ got resolved, it was fair to say Yasha and Molly needed the new work. At first they stayed out of necessity, but soon everyone warmed up to them (and Yasha and Molly warmed up to them right back). Also helped that Zuala, Yasha’s girlfriend, came to live with Yasha in an apartment close enough to the bakery, and Molly was currently rooming with them for now (though he had plans to get his own place soon).

Caduceus was the last one to join the bakery. Apparently he’d been told by Melora, the Wildmother, to go seek out a group of people known as the Mighty Nein—something the rest of the staff called themselves at the time because 1. It was funny because there were only seven people at the time, now eight, that were present in said group and 2. somehow they got into the habit of yelling out “Nein!” every time someone sold exactly nine baked goods to a customer. And so, that led him to this bakery. Despite his tendency to make dead people tea (Nott told him _not_ to tell the customers that he might’ve grown the herbs out of people’s graves), he ended up joining them as fellow staff.

They had regular visitors, too—Keg, Nila, Shakaste, and this little girl named Twiggy (or at least they assumed she was a girl. No one really knew her age or if she even had any parents or caretakers). Keg was one of the most regular after Nila, often flirting with Beau. Jester tried to get the two together, and though they had gone out on some dates, it was currently unknown as of whether they would be a thing or not. Given that Keg often had to go away on business, defeating Iron Shepherds or breaking down slavery rings, however, it was a bit tough to do so. Nila was much more regular, and quickly became friendly with Caduceus and everyone, eventually bringing her own husband and child along occasionally to share some sweet treats together. Shakaste was a more mysterious, less frequent presence, but also welcome after he helped out the Nein with chasing away some gnolls one time.

“MOLLY! CALEB! DID YOU TWO MAKE A BUN EXPLODE IN THE MICROWAVE _AGAIN!?”_

Nott’s screaming broke Fjord’s train of thought too easily, and he couldn’t help but groan. Caleb and Molly were notorious for trying to find new ways to make their products more take-home-available to customers. They didn’t always work.

“Well,” Fjord overheard Molly managing, “I would say it’s for the sake of our customers, so yes.”

“Did they _want_ you to explode a bun in a microwave?”

“No. That’s why we’re experimenting here first so it won’t happen to them at home! It’s for the people!”

Caleb sighed. “This is going to come out of paychecks, isn’t it?”

“You two bet it will, if it ruined the microwave!” Nott was overheard shouting. “Both of you clean it up!”

“Okay!”

Fjord could only sigh and continue prepping the dough. Of course this was bound to happen...

* * *

“Hey, Yasha? Beau?”

“Yeah?” Beau turned to see Jester. The blue tiefling just went on break given Yasha’s return, but it seemed that Jester still wanted to chat. “What is it?”

“Are the sun and moon couple in trouble again?”

‘Sun and moon’ couple was the codephrase for Caleb and Mollymauk respectively. Everyone in the bakery knew they were basically a couple for a while now, or at least they did once Jester loudly proclaimed to them that she saw Caleb and Molly picking up sun and moonflowers (which Caleb was going to give to Molly at the time, apparently). It was cute. It worked. It made sense, given that Caleb had fire magic and Molly followed the Moonweaver.

“What about Tiffany?”

Beau and Yasha both groaned.

“No, Jester,” Yasha finally managed, “Avantika is still not back from her getaway. She won’t be back for at least another week!”

Avantika was, well…Fjord’s…girlfriend? Not quite? It was weird. They certainly had interest in each other, and Uk’otoa being their patron was something they deeply had in common, but…well, it was hard to describe what their relationship was. All Jester and everyone else really knew was that the two were currently not together, especially with Avantika being away somewhere else.

Yes, ‘Tiffany’ was the codename for Avantika. Beau and Jester approved of this codename.

Jester heaved a relieved breath at Yasha’s news. “Good. Because I do not like her.”

Beau took a tray of cakes out of the oven to cool. “We all know you don’t like her, Jester.”

“So try to get with Fjord before she comes back from her vacation.” Yasha pointed out.

“I’ve been _trying_ to give hints.” Jester pointed out, her face turning towards a pout. “But I don’t know if he’s _getting_ any of them!”

“Well,” Yasha sighed as she mixed chocolate chips into the cookie dough she was making, “Proposing to him like Oskar did to his love interest in Tusk Love might be a bit drastic.”

“He thought I was going to audition for that play they were casting at the time.”

“And he thought the flowers you got for him were for Yasha.” Beau managed.

Yasha chuckled. “Me and Zuala appreciated the flowers!”

“But how do I get his attention?”

Beau and Yasha gave each other knowing looks, before they looked towards Fjord working on the donuts.

Jester looked at Fjord and the donuts, then to Beau and Yasha, and grinned widely.

* * *

It was time to close up shop. Nott and Caleb were still inside finishing up cleaning and locking up, but Beau, Yasha and Molly had already left at this point (but not before they wished Jester good luck with the doughnuts). Fjord was just on his way out when he heard Jester.

“Hey, Fjord?”

“Huh?” Fjord turned to see Jester approach him, a box in her hands. “What’s up, Jester? You got what was left over?”

If there were baked goods left over at Critical Rolls that they couldn’t sell, usually the staff would just split it amongst themselves and take it home, or something like that.

“I might’ve taken the last batch of Uk’odoughnuts from today. Aaaand,” Jester extended the box towards him, opening the box to reveal the doughnuts, “I was thinking, maybe you’d like to take these?”

“All of ‘em? For me?”

Jester nodded, still holding out the box. “I know Uk’otoa’s your patron and you _really_ really like these doughnuts, so I thought you’d like them to eat if you want.”

Fjord was speechless. He looked down at the box of doughnuts, and then up at Jester, about to speak when—

“Oh. That’s nice.” Caduceus’s steady, chill voice made both Jester and Fjord turn to see the firbolg having just exited the bakery. “That’s really nice.”

“Um, Deuce?” Fjord managed, swallowing. “We’re kind of in the middle of something.”

“Okay. I’ll let you two get back to it. Just thought I’d give you something before I go.” He gave Fjord a bag of something. “It’s a new blend I’m working on. I hope it goes with the doughnuts. See you tomorrow!”

“See you!”

Jester and Fjord awkwardly waved as Caduceus left, before Jester chuckled, sheepishness sinking into her tone. “Anyway, back to the doughnuts…do you want them?”

“Well, uh,” Fjord looked down at the bag of tea, and then up at Jester, “I don’t think I could eat all the doughnuts, even if I do like them. But maybe we could split it between each other?”

“Really?” Jester couldn’t help but grin back at him. _It’s working! He gets it!_ “I’d love that!”

“And we could share them with Beau, too. I mean, I’m sure she’d like some.”

“What.”

“What?” Fjord gave her a weird look. “I mean, she does live with us.”

“Uhhh yeah! Sure! We can do that.” Jester offered him a grin, but internally she cursed the plan.

* * *

The next morning came. Molly was intrigued by Jester’s attempt as she told it to him and Caleb while they were prepping the baked goods.

“What happened? Did it work?”

“No, Molly. Fjord insisted we share the doughnuts with Beau. I don’t think he got the message.”

“Did you specifically tell him you wanted to romance him while offering him the doughnuts?” Caleb finally asked.

Jester could only whimper, before groaning. “No.”

“There there.” Caduceus came over and offered Jester a cup of tea. “This will help you feel better.”

Jester could only look out towards the front of the shop, and then to Caduceus and the tea, taking it. “Thanks, Caduceus.”

Maybe there was still hope. She just had to find another way!

* * *

Fjord, Beau, Nott and Yasha were all getting the front of the shop ready; last minute sweeping, checking the register to make sure nothing was taken or that they weren’t randomly robbed during the night, etc.

“So,” Beau managed, looking to Fjord, “How’d it go?”

Fjord looked towards her, blinking. “You mean the doughnuts? You were there, we shared them.”

“Ohmygod.” Beau looked to Yasha, whispering, “We need to commence Plan B.”

Yasha stared. “We have a Plan B?”

“Get her to bake him a Uk’otoa cake and confess her feelings to him.”

Nott looked between the both of them as Fjord went back to getting the shop ready. “Why don’t we just tell her to tell him her feelings?”

“Because she can’t spit it out?” Beau supplied.

“Because she’s trying to figure out if Fjord likes her back first?” Yasha pointed out.

Nott groaned. “Should I just get those two on a _date?”_

Little did the three know that Fjord overheard the last bit and smiled.


End file.
